My intention is not to allow this space to become a blog about celebrities and how fat they are in photos and how funny that can be.
My intention is however to enjoy breasts and the females attached to them.
Megan Fox is very attractive, even with pasties on.I would like to be her nice guy friend.
We would meet through a mutual acquaintance.
Over a couple of weeks of bouncing cute emails back and forth, she would open up to me about how much of an asshole her rich model boyfriend is.
"What are you thinking of doing about it?" I'd ask.
"I should totally dump his ass. I should do it!" She would lie, as though she believed it.
"Yeah, well, maybe it's for the best. I'm here for you!" I would reply anxiously.
Two days later we'd talk and she'd tell me how she was going to dump him, but then he said something really romantic and she changed her mind. How could she dump him? He looked so hot and just said something romantic for the first time ever! Maybe she had finally managed to change him!
Her hot cousin then joined them for a threesome. She just happened to be in his bathroom at the time. What a strange coincidence! She knew she shouldn't do it... but she was such a bitch for thinking about breaking up with him... he deserved a special treat! Plus if she didn't, then maybe he would get bored and leave her! Oh my god! No more romance!
Over the next six months her boyfriend would be teetering on the edge of insanity, trying desperately not to murder me. I am however, the Nice Guy, and thus immune to him. If anything should happen to me, we would then enter into the grey area known as the "He's such a nice guy... I feel bad... maybe I should sleep with him" zone.
Note: Many speculate that this zone does not actually exist.
I would send her flowers on her birthday. He would forget entirely.
I would send her a cuddly teddy bear with a cute note "joking" about being her valentine. He would forget entirely.
Hey, here's a box of your favorite candies! Why? Just thinking of you!
He would eat the candy.
In the end, he dumps her for an actress who's known around town for doing anal on the second date.
At last! My time has come!
"I'm here for you! Forget about him! He was a dickhead!"
This is it!
"You're so amazing! You're like the brother I never had!"
The End.
But not really. Over the next few years she has a string of football players and models hanging off of her, drooling.
Of course, I've learned my lesson.
Next time she ignores me for a musclebound ass... I'm totally out of there! For real!
